The Biege vs. the Unbeige

I recently saw a commercial for Ikea where the the tagline was: “Be brave not beige” and it tickled me a lil. I immediately was reminded of a former roommate of mine. She was super beige! We were total opposites in every way…… personality, hobbies, and décor… she was the beige and I was the unbeige.

She was a twenty-something –year-old total WASP from Long Island complete with a pair of UGGS and Burberry clothing. We met at work and my friend had the great idea of matching us together as roommates since we were both looking to live in Manhattan. I was desperate enough to give it a whirl, not knowing what I was getting myself into (can anyone say Single White Female??).

She took it upon herself to decorate the entire place while I was away on vacation our first week at the place. I mean everything. She put her huge ass country dining room table in our converted living room, leaving no space to do any living. She picked out nice lil beige kitchen rugs, and the ugliest beige shower curtain illustrated with monkeys all over it in olive green…. And of course beige rugs to match, along with you guessed it, beige hand towels. I was mortified…. I am so anti-beige... I love boldness and color….I am social and outgoing, and feisty and fun…. And she was Miss I-read-in-the-dark-with-a-flashlight-in-my-room-on-Sat-nights, don’t-socialize-with anyone-but-my-brother, order-food-without-asking-you-if-you-want-any, leave-you-post-it-notes-with-weird-OCD-cleaning-request-on-my-door, content with being beige. I felt like a stranger in my own apartment, but I sucked it up because in the end I had an awesome apartment on the UES and the closet in my room.

My shacking up with strangers phase lasted that one year, as soon as I could get out of that lease I went running for the hills, of Brooklyn… swearing never to become like her...the anti-social beige lover. As I sat home this past weekend reading Time Magazine and watching the History channel, I feared that I was having boring beige tendencies. Nooooo! I refuse! But then I turned the channel to watch “Old School” and grabbed my bright Lime green Ikea pillow, and all was well again…I am still Queen of the Unbeige!

Platonically

I have recently remembered a reason to not hate all men…it is possible to have a healthy, successful relationship with a man, platonically of course. While I was out recently I was reminded of my platonic male friends. I love having male friends… and I mean real friends. Not the ones that are just trying to get in your pants, and are playing their position hoping that one day it will happen (although some people think any guy friend is doing this). I mean the ones that grew up with you, saw you at different awkward ages in your life, like hanging out with you despite it, tell you how great you look when you do see them, and take you out and treat you like a bf would - minus the sex of course. I mean wow, imagine having someone that takes you out, pays for all your drinks all night, and actually doesn’t mind talking about the other men in your life! This is the sweetest deal ever. Besides that, platonic male friends also give great advice on men … sometimes a lil harshly, but good just the same (“Oh hell no you need o leave him alone he is shady). They will tell you what to do about your failing love life and then of course make jokes at your expense for it…it’s great.

Kudos to you, my male friends, for getting me drunk and never making a pass… and without fail always making me laugh. You are lil life saviors in Timbs!

Guilty Pleasures Part 1

It's no surprise to those who know me that I have a few guilty pleasures. One of those is my obsession with Jennifer Lopez. I am sorry but she can do no wrong in my eyes...not sure if it's the Bronx, Puerto Rican thing or what but I have an undying loyalty to her. Not to mention she is a savvy businesswoman, and has managed to make an entire empire from starting as a fly girl. And she doesn't apologize for anything! She just does not care what you think about her... I love that!

Now with her new release this week "Brave" and the rumors of pregnancy... I think she has a lot to celebrate. So, Congrats to you Jenny, Jenny from the block! Besides who else can sit through an interview and talk about absolutely nothing with such poise? That is a talent I gotta tell ya.
Check out her clip from the Letterman show last night here..... and after seeing what she is wearing you can decide for yourself if the rumors are true....



And if you are bored while watching that..here is a clip of her doing what she does best... dancing:

The Beautiful Struggle

So I have been experiencing tremendous writer's block. Too bad it isn’t thinker’s block. Oh no, tons of thoughts still dance around in my head all day, just can’t seem to transition them into anything worthwhile on this screen. Thoughts and worry and anxiety of the unknown suffocate me and cloud my vision. I feel like I can’t breathe. Can’t sleep. Trying to understand whatever lesson I am supposed to be getting right now at this moment. How do we ever know if it’s really right……

Like a bad game of double-dutch I keep waiting and waiting to find the perfect time to jump in smoothly and not get tangled up in the ropes. What if there is no perfect time? What if you are going to trip and fall regardless?

One time I went wild water rafting in Costa Rica, and as we set off with our guide, he commenced to pull my friend by her life jacket and literally throw her off our canoe and into the water. She fluttered around in frenzy and then relaxed and he graciously helped her back onto the boat, unscathed. Mortified, we all yelled at him “What did you do that for!” he said so simply… well now her worst fear is over, she can continue without being afraid. What a smart lil Costa Rican gypsy he was! Now if only I could apply that same theory into my everyday life.

Maybe it is time to jump and fall and get it over with already

Life is indeed a beautiful struggle.

Is it Friday yet???

I've just experienced one of the worst subway rides ever coming to work this morning. No, not because it was crowded and I was mushed under some one's armpit, but annoying just the same. I managed to ride the only train without brakes...so every time the train attempted to slow down, or speed back up from a stop, it would make this terrible screeching noise for like 10 minutes straight. It was kinda like a terrible howl you would hear in a really bad version of Dracula whenever they show the eerie castle... or just a loud, mechanic Whine....For the love of!!! It is too damn early in the morning to deal with this ..... needless to say I am a bit on edge now. That coupled with my PMS has me feeling like this clip today, minus the alcohol:

Dating Tip #451: Psycho-Delete

All is well that ends well, except in dating. Desperate times call for desperate measures, especially if you are single and dating in New York City. I’ve learned that not everyone you meet and spend a decent amount of time with has to remain a part of your life forever and ever Amen. Sometimes, there are behaviors and situations that make for a parting of ways. Depending on the severity it may be appropriate to implement the psycho-delete strategy to help speed up the process:

Psycho-delete: (SIKE- O DEE-LEET) When a man pisses you off so bad you vouch never to speak to him again, and in an impulsive rage proceed to delete any form of contact. This means deleting from your myspace page, blocking on aim and email, and erasing said person’s phone number from your phone. See also: drunk-dial prevention.

While there is no set standard on when to apply the psycho-delete, here are some examples:

• When guy you are dating says he will call and then never does

• When guy you are dating gets caught in any type of lie

• When guy you are dating is a gypsy and likes to pop up and then disappear every few months…no consistancy

• When guy you are dating has been in the pic for months and manages to utter the words “I am still not sure if I really want a relationship”

• When guy you are dating actually lives with another female that is not a roommate and you are just figuring it out

• When guy you are dating attempts to give you used lingerie as a gift
  

The list goes on and on, but you get the point. I think at the end of the day, you don’t really NEED a reason…which is the beauty of the whole darn thing!

A Wise Woman Once Said....

This past weekend I laid low and decided to spend some time with my family. This included a visit to my grandmother. A lil background on my abuelita, she is a 4ft nothing, lucid 85-year-old who lives happily alone in her house in the Bronx. Needless to say, she is a tough cookie. She always tells you exactly what’s on her mind, so man up before going to see her. Usually you walk in and hear either one of these responses:

“WOW you gained a lot of weight!”

“WOW you look so skinny, are you eating enough??”

I mean honestly, you CANNOT win with this woman, but her rice and beans and old-school life advice are worth the initial torment. So, I went with my cousin to eat dinner and sulk about my non-existent love life for a lil while. I was happily surprised this time when I entered the house and after looking me up and down, she exclaimed “You look so nice mama, and are you getting taller or am I getting shorter?”

YAY, for once I passed the abuelita test! This made my whole week. Then it got even better as we started discussing relationships:

Abuelita: “Do you have a boyfriend now?”

ME: “No”

Abuelita: “GOOD!”

ME: IT’S NOT GOOD I AM NEVER GOING TO GET MARRIED LIKE THIS (mini tantrum)

Abuelita: “That’s GOOD!” You don’t need to get married, Ay Mija; it’s too much responsibility and work. Pa Que? If I was young again I wouldn’t get married…. Just enjoy your life, have fun, you can see people and fool around, but you don’t need to get married. Look at people these days at their weddings the ring bearer and flower girl are their children or grandchildren. And they still wear white! HA! In my day you had to be a virgin when you married, I was married a virgin. They told us if you got married not as a virgin, your veil would fall off, at the altar, so everyone would know. LOL But not now, you don’t need to get married.

ME: *huge sigh of relief.*

So the moral of the story is, when in doubt about your life, just visit your grandmother. She is sure to give you some valuable insight, or at the least feed you and make you feel like less of a loser than before you got there. And if my grandma says I am A-ok the way I am, than who am I to argue with her?